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Pushing the night by, my head is thrashing as I peer into the mirror located in the bathroom, off my bedroom. I take in the image of that googleyied, off kilter and unattractive face that I had no say in receiving. On this occasion it is looking especially grotesque adding the boozed out affects contributed from the night befores intake. The picture impresses a foreshadowing of a rock and roll cliche. My biography has already been written: the child who received no attention from peers, so he threw all his energy and time into an outlet that would allow him to express his frusturations and distance himself from relating to his oppressors. Furthermore, when time allowed he grew his hair long to conceal the typical ugly Thom Yorke like mug and to show a discontent with society's cares. Yet as he ages he will voluntarily become one whom the general public will throw all their care into for a day or two. The kid who couldn't communicate on equal ground with the opposite sex, whom he's always valued more than his own life, will suddenly no longer need to communicate at all to have them tugging for his every glance. The only mystery or unanswered question is, in the face of all this how will he react or handle the life altering change.
For now that question can definately be left unanswered, why build things up before they happen. To this day in my time here, I haven't been in an official 'relationship' yet. Hell, I haven't even had sex, but truthfully although it may all be my reckoning to this point, I see none of it as essential or pressing. No value is placed on remaining this way - Christ, I view sex as I do chocolate bars, it doesn't matter what the first try is, I will no doubt try all kinds before deciding which I want to invest in for life - rather I've thrown my head around enough words and sights to know how much fabrication and disappointment is uncovered by entering into relations. Despite this, the yearning for girls who never appeared receptive was excruciatingly painful and these moments in front of my reflection, only threw wood on the fire. But, as quickly as I got away from the mirror, I could shield the pain by giving myself wholly to ideas and real life, as I defined my musical activities.