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Holding a strong stance on many control issues, we had Stash politely turn down all initial offers and countered with our wants. In the meantime, to produce legitimacy behind our needs, the decision was made to play many more shows in the hope of pressing many of the interested parties into breaking and giving in to our demands. Basically, install fear that they might be lost in the crowd when we became officially recognized as an up and coming act, if they didn't show us their bare essentials now.
By foregoing the recording process, the aim became centered on undertaking our first tour of city's throughout the state, rather than sporadic one-offs here and there. Knowing full well this would take a lot of organization we were happy to have Stash on board and put him to work. An agreement was reached stating that although we couldn't afford to pay him now, he would have plenty of compensation in the near future. At present, we had nothing but our instruments between us and were breaking even off shows. However, the agenda stood that we aspired to make a name for ourselves through garnering the respect and admiration of our peers, regardless of debt; because you can only break out one time and we didn't want to jump the gun too early or make any major mistakes, there was still some insight and tinkering to do.
From an early age, my mom engraved in me the message that its not about leaving your mark, but rather its all about feeling your mark as its happening. Who cares for history, its the present you have to face. Sure, we were opting for the long painful road, but its that sweat that we wanted to experience and would strip us down to the bare essentials of who we truly are and what we are meant to accomplish. For my part, there was a selfish desire to feel our rise and to know we made it because of us and our music and that alone. To this point in my time here, I've passed my days without ever really acknowledging them as they went. Rather the mind is always re-hashing the past and hoping for a future void of the feelings held in my current state. Having never lived for the present, but merely basing decisions on fulfilling others wishes, the alarm clock was finally ringing. Too many books had been read simply based on fulfilling a goal of just getting to the next chapter. To many accolades had been accumulated purely to build a resume containing other people's goals or desires, when it was clear I found no happiness in these achievements myself.