Page 2
We veer off the freeway and I become fully aware of our surroundings, we are nearing the ever familiar but never dull sight of downtown Boston, Massachusetts, my neighbouring home. Today it is witness to a gig for my band, something which has become more and more frequent of late. Truth be told, I lied to myself in my comment earlier, I am becoming a someone. In being the lead singer/guitarist of a phenomenal band, I am not shy in disclosing the fact that I am the pivotal ingredient to carrying this band and the entire music industry as a whole to new unfathomed heights. I possess a unique and highly treasured voice; not in volume, strength or durability, but purely based on an ability to express lyrics in a believable manner stemming from throwing out the emotion needed to have the words be what they are. To boot, I am a sensational guitar player. By throwing this knowledge out to a passerby, I understand how one would quickly jump on me as being 'egotistical'. But, as I see it, there's no point in hiding behind a curtain, I am what I am. In fact, can't it be received as more egotistical to be humble in the face of this, leave the belief internal, because then your just encouraging and pleading for more and more praise, so others can convince you of something you supposedly don't know. Not my route, I'm damn proud of what it is I maintain in my possession. You know, if somethings a life interest of yours and you've spent every conscious moment putting more of yourself into it, don't ignore its existence. Don't be shy because if you spend enough time pretending its not there, well soon enough you'll lose touch and it will disappear. This is me, its what I am, so I fully embrace it. But there's more to it then this, as a group of four, we have a dynamic together which cannot be carried or matched through individuality, the sound only is what perfection we make it by combining our strengths and weaknesses. The other three are in check with our sonic and deliver there incredible instrumentation individually to allow the entire beautiful ship to steer on past the water we believed our maps to hold. There is no doubt or hesitation to the fact that as a band we are going somewhere.
The van takes a left and just then on the passenger side window we pass 'The Pill', a premiere music venue held tightly in the Boston scene. Holding its stage is the pinnacle and epitome of success to me,.. how did I come to this definition? Well, it has always been fixated in my mind as the one moment in my entire future career where I would come to grips with my dream becoming a reality. Endless moments in my 18 years of existence have been spent imagining the feeling and emotion that would overtake my body simply by walking onto the checkerboard elevated floor of its stage and have my eyes take in 1,000 strong welcoming our entrance with a rousing ovation and my knowing full well they were there for one reason and one reason alone and that was to see us perform. But we weren't performing there on this night, we still had some work to put in before gracing that floor. No, on this night, we were the opening band for yet another rock and roll act I knew we would upstage at a dingy joint simply titled 'Braddicks' with a meager 200 capacity. But, there's not a crumb of insult or complaint in my head undertaking this. We fully accept our current position and take it for what it is at this moment in our lives, which is a lot. Being driven to soundcheck for the show, I fully recognized that tonight's gig would be filled with fans there to see the headlining band, yet while that may ring true, it was guaranteed there would be a number of local critics and label A&R's present to confirm their committment to praising us. Yeah, at present we were being hounded by the labels about reaching a deal and making a record with their name on it. However, we were in no hurry to sign. The understanding of us 'going somewhere' didn't do it for me, we could be there now, it wouldn't make a positive difference to us. This wasn't near the top for what mattered, we were aware of our abilities, hence we knew soon enough things were about to rapidly change and our present beings, willingly or not, had a high possibility of being affected and/or changed. We weren't attempting to make a stance on commercialism or the evils of money. Rather we wanted to soak in the struggling and sweating to make it stage for as long as we possibly could before the lid flew off, we aspired to mature on our own instead of being forced to. Also, we were all well educated in Music 101 and knew full well of sentiments such as Kurt Cobain's statement that 'the most exciting time for a band is right before they become really popular'. Presently we lacked responsibility and obligation other than those we placed on ourselves, and that brought a level of satisfaction we knew a signature would evaporate. There was a worry that the image of it all was much more glorifying than it actually happening. I didn't want to achieve my dream because it was a dream, it wasn't supposed to happen. To my dream, reality could only deliver a blow and than what do I hold so dearly. Other factors playing in our patience included a firm knowledge of how the music industry works, we didn't want to 'play and be played' at the same time, so there was a lot of apprehension in finding the right deal. We heard and read enough to know the band has little leverage in its first record deal, so we wanted to pit the labels against each other, and generate enough interest to call the shots on some major signing points. Also, on a more personal note, I was petrified as to the consequences on the creative process upon signing. Not so much that we wouldn't have control over the direction, alternatively that I would lose all sense of direction. My writing talent to this point all stems from an ability to protrude a subterranean view of an excrusiating reality that is my life. And while aware that the pain won't subside with success, fear's raised in somehow losing touch with having the right perspective or reasons for expression to a general public on a different level of experience or thought.