Page 12
"I'll take your word." I blurt with little desire for an argument.
"In fact, I would probably throw it in as the best read I've ever had, the writing has me chasing for more, it's exhilirating" she proudly adds.
What a sentiment, similarly i've got friends who will read all the supposed 'right books' times over and will consistently promote them to others as 'life-altering'. Yet, when putting their head back in their world they completely ignore the content gained and continue to sulk over their uncontrollable life. On the opposite spectrum, I'm always trying to re-invent myself; don't like who you are, change right? In watching a motivating movie, I get inspired by an alternative lifestyle and try to mold my own in line. But, try long enough not to be the person who you fall back to every morning when you look in the mirror and eventually you'll embrace the truth, you cannot escape or hide, you are this person.
While there, boring how when I read or see something that impresses me, I will write it down or store it in my mind as something to treasure and refer to in the future. The oddity of it is that, if it's impressive enough, than obviously it's something that is already valued and/or held within my own mind, just haven't found the mannurisms to articulate it properly. Why act like a toddler that needs to be spoon fed back their own vomit, stop looking for the key, attach some wires, getter goin already.
"so, you guys ready to order?" said speedily into the notepad by our waitress as she makes another pass.
"cream cheese on sesame bagel, and apple juice" sweetly replied by my fading significant other.
Silence.
Once again I don't take the lead and look like an unmasculine fool, never able to take control.
"yourself?" the waitress blurts ready to pass on.
"the strawberry crepe special" I exclaim shyly without having opened the menu placed on the table in front of me.
"do you think you'll ever order anything else?" those glazed over greens again. The waitress herself has passed on.
"variety is over-rated, if something is good, it's good, what's the need to change it up, I'd rather continue enjoying that favoured food, than spoil taste on weak alternatives". I feel little attachment to the phrase, I've probably contradicted that statement countless times today alone, but as usual defending my behaviour with the first weak reasoning to come to mind.
"what a hypocrite." she read me.
"I'm off with Greg tonight, think we're gonna hit up a game" the guilt is back, in my selfish manner, once again I completely ignore her and proudly state my upcoming actions and events.
"Well, that's good" her half-hearted reply.
"Yeah, I'm excited, haven't been in a while, should be good" how do I continue to ignore this inner growing guilt. I know I need to shower her with attention, she deserves that much, and I want to, but it's just not happening, the effort is lacking and it would prove petty.
"Look what we've become" assertively tossed out as she leans back and hounds me with looks.
"Oh no, not again" excitedly emphasized by my simultaneously getting up and heading for the bathroom.
I think I want to go on first dates for the rest of my life. It's the most awkward comfortableness there is. While in the moment, all you want is to rush to the end, when it finally ends you long for the beginning. After successive dates you are bound to fall into a mundane rhythm and pine for nothing more than to have the nerves and awkwardness back from that first encounter and understanding this to be impossible, will search it out in an alternative.
After using out my avoidance card, I reapproach the breakfast table with a hop in my step.
"the western leg of this next tour ends in san diego, than we've got a 5 day break before flying over to Europe, how bout we escape the winter depression and take on Columbia together?"
"oh, your body transported to another location changes the dynamics of this mess? You know I've got some meetings coming up that could make or break my job aspirations and there you go imagining life should be grand and free at the peril of your watch. A broken vehicle needs to be fixed before you can take it on a trip."
"Wow and you say I breed the negativity in this relationship. For now, I'll let you swim in it. I'm out."
"I'll take your word." I blurt with little desire for an argument.
"In fact, I would probably throw it in as the best read I've ever had, the writing has me chasing for more, it's exhilirating" she proudly adds.
What a sentiment, similarly i've got friends who will read all the supposed 'right books' times over and will consistently promote them to others as 'life-altering'. Yet, when putting their head back in their world they completely ignore the content gained and continue to sulk over their uncontrollable life. On the opposite spectrum, I'm always trying to re-invent myself; don't like who you are, change right? In watching a motivating movie, I get inspired by an alternative lifestyle and try to mold my own in line. But, try long enough not to be the person who you fall back to every morning when you look in the mirror and eventually you'll embrace the truth, you cannot escape or hide, you are this person.
While there, boring how when I read or see something that impresses me, I will write it down or store it in my mind as something to treasure and refer to in the future. The oddity of it is that, if it's impressive enough, than obviously it's something that is already valued and/or held within my own mind, just haven't found the mannurisms to articulate it properly. Why act like a toddler that needs to be spoon fed back their own vomit, stop looking for the key, attach some wires, getter goin already.
"so, you guys ready to order?" said speedily into the notepad by our waitress as she makes another pass.
"cream cheese on sesame bagel, and apple juice" sweetly replied by my fading significant other.
Silence.
Once again I don't take the lead and look like an unmasculine fool, never able to take control.
"yourself?" the waitress blurts ready to pass on.
"the strawberry crepe special" I exclaim shyly without having opened the menu placed on the table in front of me.
"do you think you'll ever order anything else?" those glazed over greens again. The waitress herself has passed on.
"variety is over-rated, if something is good, it's good, what's the need to change it up, I'd rather continue enjoying that favoured food, than spoil taste on weak alternatives". I feel little attachment to the phrase, I've probably contradicted that statement countless times today alone, but as usual defending my behaviour with the first weak reasoning to come to mind.
"what a hypocrite." she read me.
"I'm off with Greg tonight, think we're gonna hit up a game" the guilt is back, in my selfish manner, once again I completely ignore her and proudly state my upcoming actions and events.
"Well, that's good" her half-hearted reply.
"Yeah, I'm excited, haven't been in a while, should be good" how do I continue to ignore this inner growing guilt. I know I need to shower her with attention, she deserves that much, and I want to, but it's just not happening, the effort is lacking and it would prove petty.
"Look what we've become" assertively tossed out as she leans back and hounds me with looks.
"Oh no, not again" excitedly emphasized by my simultaneously getting up and heading for the bathroom.
I think I want to go on first dates for the rest of my life. It's the most awkward comfortableness there is. While in the moment, all you want is to rush to the end, when it finally ends you long for the beginning. After successive dates you are bound to fall into a mundane rhythm and pine for nothing more than to have the nerves and awkwardness back from that first encounter and understanding this to be impossible, will search it out in an alternative.
After using out my avoidance card, I reapproach the breakfast table with a hop in my step.
"the western leg of this next tour ends in san diego, than we've got a 5 day break before flying over to Europe, how bout we escape the winter depression and take on Columbia together?"
"oh, your body transported to another location changes the dynamics of this mess? You know I've got some meetings coming up that could make or break my job aspirations and there you go imagining life should be grand and free at the peril of your watch. A broken vehicle needs to be fixed before you can take it on a trip."
"Wow and you say I breed the negativity in this relationship. For now, I'll let you swim in it. I'm out."